A Christmas wish
by trini86
Summary: It's been nearly 6 months since Tobias, AKA, Four has lost the love of his life back at the Bureau. His heart is broken, his grief has consumed him. His only wish for Christmas is to have one more... one more kiss, one more word, one more glance... one more.
1. Chapter 1

**Happy Reading Everyone! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS! I wanted to continue writing short stories for the Holiday season... Please don't forget to leave me comments below, you know me, I love reading them!**

**I do not claim to own anything that is apart of the Divergent series. All credit goes to the one and only Veronica Roth. **

**The following is referenced from both Divergent and Allegiant.**

**Possible triggers: There will be adult language and sexual content.**

**This story will be given in only Tobias P.O.V **

**A Christmas wish**

**About:**

**It's been nearly 6 months since Tobias, AKA, Four has lost the love of his life back at the Bureau. His heart is broken, his grief has consumed him. His only wish for Christmas is to have one more... one more kiss, one more word, one more glance... one more.**

* * *

_When her body first hit the net, all I registered was a gray blur. I pulled her across it and her hand was small, but warm, and then she stood before me, short and thin and plain and in all ways unremarkable-except that she had jumped first. The stiff had jumped first. _

_Even I didn't jump first. _

_Her eyes were so stern, so insistent. _

_Beautiful. _

* * *

_But that wasn't the first time I ever saw her. I saw her in the hallways at school, and at my mother's false funeral, and walking the sidewalks in the Abnegation sector. I saw her, but I didn't see her; no one saw her the way she truly was until she jumped._

_I suppose a fire that burns that bright is not meant to last. _

* * *

_I got to see her body... I don't know how long it was after Cara told me what happened, Christina and I walked shoulder to shoulder, behind Cara. I still don't remember the journey that took us from the entrance of the Bureau to the morgue. _

_She laid on the table, and for a moment I thought she was just sleeping, and when I touched her she would wake up and smile at me, and press a kiss to my lips. But when I did finally touch her, she was cold, her body was stiff, and unyielding. _

_I remember Christina's sobs and sniffles, as I stood next to the table that Tris laid on. I couldn't help the hope that continued to play within.. as if the harder I squeezed her hand, somehow it would send life back into her body and she would flush with color and wake up. When I finally realized that wasn't going to happen, it was like all my strength had escaped me. I crumbled to the floor, still holding onto her hand. For the first time in years, I cried, as everything in me screamed out for just one more... one more kiss, one more word, one more glance, one more._

* * *

_All I wanted was to become someone new. In this case, Tobias Johnson, son of Evelyn Johnson. Tobias Johnson may have lived a dull and empty life, but he is at least a whole person, not this fragment of a person that I am. I stared at the person who was reflected back at me through the mirror, that person was broken, he was damaged, and he was never to know true love ever again._

"_Mathew told me you stole some of the memory serum and a truck." I didn't have to turn around to know that Christina had come for me. "I have to say, I didn't really believe him."_

"_Then why did you come?" I ask. _

"_Just in case."She says,"Give me the vial, Tobias." She says, gently. I think this is the first time Christina has ever called me by my given name to my face._

"_No." I fold my fingers over the serum to protect it from her. "This is my decision, not yours."_

"_This is not your decision." She says,"This is a decision of a coward, and you're a lot of things, Four, but not a coward. Never." _

"_Maybe I am now, things have changed, and I'm all right with it." Why can't she let me have this. _

"_You can't_ _become a person she would hate," Christina says, quietly this time. "And she would have hated this."_

"_Shut up!" I yell. "Shut up! You don't know what she would hate; you didn't know her, you-"_

"_I knew enough!" She snaps. "I know she wouldn't want you to erase her from your memory like she didn't even matter to you."_

* * *

It's been 6 months since that day I lost Tris. There hasn't been a single day, a single hour, even a single minute that passes that I don't think about her. Her blonde hair, her grayish-blue eyes, the fire that shone in them when she was determined, her smile, the electrical jolts that her touch would give me, even her unexpected words... I miss everything about her. My heart still breaks every morning when I wake up to find my nightmare is my reality, and it breaks at night when I finally go to bed, because I long to hold her, to kiss her, and of course to touch her.

After Tris' death, I came back to the city and joined the government. I work alongside Joanna, righting the city from its wrongs and working with the outside world. Our fences no longer stand, and our lakes are no longer dry. Our city has grown in numbers as many have gravitated here to start a new life. Some have left, wanting to explore as well as to let go of the nightmare that was left behind from the war. I often wonder what Tris would have thought of the changes made to our city. Would she be amazed, and proud, as I am? Would she be proud of me?

When I first moved back to Chicago, I didn't go back to my apartment at Dauntless. Instead I stayed with Evelyn for awhile, until I could find a place in the new city we were creating. Even though Tris and I were only together for a short time before the war broke out. I was terrified of the memories of my old apartment held for me... the good and the bad.

I remember the last time I walked into my old apartment. It had been a long night, Jeanine had activated three of the micro-chips that were shot into our people's necks, back in Candor. Marlene, Hector, and Lynn, were the ones affected, as they were controlled by the micro-chips, walking off the roof in the Dauntless compound, while demands were being made to surrender anyone that was Divergent. Even though Tris had known those three for only a short time, she already cared about them, just like she cared about everyone else she came to know. Christina and Tris had to act fast, unfortunately they were only able to save two out of the three of them. Tris caught Hector, as Christina caught Lynn, leaving Marlene to fall to her death. It was a long night of meetings, and arguments with the other appointed leaders of Dauntless. I had never wanted to be in two places at once more than that moment. As one of the leaders I had to be at those meetings, but my heart wanted to check in on Tris. Something told me, what Tris would be thinking. That was one of the best and worst things about Tris... no matter who it was, in the end, she would fight for them. Even if it meant her being nearly tortured to death by Jeanine Mathews.

When we finally called it a night, I looked everywhere for her, the dorms, the training room, the dining hall, even the Chasm... but I couldn't find her anywhere. Leave it to her, to be the one place I never thought to check, my apartment. There she was cuddled up, crying on my bed. Her hands were fisted in my blue comforter, as her tears fell down her face. My heart broke for her, and at the same time, it feared for what she would do. I loved her so much. The loss of her parents, the war that had started, compounded by the guilt she was carrying for killing one of her closest friends, made her make bad choices, and caused her to be reckless with her life. That night I told her I loved her. I remember begging her numerous times, and making her promise me that she wouldn't turn herself in. I meant to stay up that night, to hold her close to me, to make sure she wouldn't carry out on the plan in her head. But the exhaustion, the comfort of having her in my arms, and being in a soft bed, made fighting off the fatigue impossible. I fell asleep with Tris in my arms. The next morning I woke to cold sheets next to me, and her side of the bed empty. I knew she had turned herself into Erudite. I didn't think twice before I got up from the bed, and went after her, if she died, I died! It became my mission to protect her, and keep her safe. In the end, I failed. I couldn't save her, I couldn't protect her, and ultimately, I couldn't join her. Maybe it was the guilt that has stopped me from going back all this time, or maybe, just maybe, its was the realization of it all being too final. Even though I have Tris' ashes with me at all times, it isn't enough, nothing will ever be enough. I often talk to her ashes, as if she can truly hear me. I don't know if she can, but the thought that she might, brings me so much comfort.

Tomorrow will be the first time I enter the Dauntless compound, since I returned to the city. It will also be the first time I return to my old apartment. This will be the last Christmas the Dauntless compound will get to celebrate. The final papers have been authorized and signed, so after the holidays, Dauntless will be torn down.

I honestly never thought about how Tris and I would be, when we walked over the threshold of my old apartment, but I am 100% sure, it wouldn't have been like this. Not nearly six months later, me... a shell of a man, completely broken, carrying Tris' ashes. As opposed to her holding my hand, and us entering the apartment with so much happiness, because we were together and we made it back alive. But a part of me thinks it's time to go back once more, before it all gets torn down, along with the memories we created in this place.

The gang had decided to gather at Zeke's house for a Christmas feast, and celebrate the holiday. I know, without a doubt that if I asked my closest friends, they would join me in Dauntless, but this is something I have to do on my own. I didn't want to have to put on a show for others. I just wanted to be me, and perhaps get lost in my daydreams of what could have been, what should have been, even if it's just for two days. So I told the gang I was heading out of town on government business. I wished them all a very Christmas, when I last saw them a few days ago.

* * *

I dressed for the day early, since I was unable to sleep. The anticipation kept me from a full night's rest. I only packed a few things I wanted with me, such as Tris' urn, a photo of Tris' beautiful face, and the key to my old apartment. The photo was a gift from Zeke, he spent weeks looking through old initiation footage, before he could find the perfect angle of Tris' face, he then made a stilled image of it. Lets just say, it's the best gift I have ever received, and I will always keep it close to my heart.

I was relieved at how much my memory remembered every feature, every little small detail of her. When my mother faked her death, I tried for years to hold onto her image clearly in my mind, but after sometime, I couldn't remember what her smile looked like, or the spark in her eyes. I feared the same would happen to Tris' image. I continued to enter my fear of landscape just so I could make sure her image was still there, that I somehow didn't forget any big or small details. But having a hard copy of Tris' face, has comforted me more than I had ever expected.

I enter the double glass doors to the Dauntless compound, my eyes glance around at the Christmas decorations that cover the Pit, with a Christmas tree right in the middle. Over the two years I spent living in Dauntless, I got to celebrate parts of the Christmas traditions that the members of Dauntless introduced me too. Some I didn't see the point of, like decorating my apartment. Other than sleep and shower, I wasn't one to be at my place. After all, I hadn't known the true meaning of home, since my mother passed away. I did share in some parts of the celebrations, like attending parties, and exchanging gifts with the members I considered as close as family. A few other traditions like, writing a wish or a desire on a star and placing it on the Christmas tree in the pit.

As I walk casually up to the overly lit and decorated tree, I can't help but think about Tris. What would Christmas had been with her? During the war, we never once dared to think about tomorrow. At one point, we weren't sure there would be one. We did share small hopes and dreams the last morning we were together. That morning, we woke up bare on the couch. We didn't know it would be the last time we would be together, but even then it was perfect. We discussed what we would do once both our missions were over with. We discuss the possibility of returning to the city, maybe even exploring a little of the outside world first. Maybe one day we would settle down and have children. Our children would never know of such hatred, and battles like we had. I glance up, my eyes landing on each star, each wish... I know what I want most, what my one wish would be if I could have it. Even though it is impossible, I reach over, grabbing one of the stars. I write what I wish for most in this world, Tris. I place it has high as I can reach, watching it sway from side to side as it hangs from a branch.

My grip tightens on the strap of my backpack, that holds Tris' urn, as I turn and begin my walk to my old apartment. I slip my key into the lock, and turn it. I can feel the lock move, letting me into the room. The air still smells the same, like me mixed with a hint of Tris. I look around, everything is still the same as I last left it. Even the bed is undone from the night we slept in it. I instantly, feel the grief of Tris' loss wash over me. I undo the zipper of the bag, pulling out Tris' urn and framed picture, placing it o n the nightstand right next to my bed.

"We're here, Love. Everything is the same as we left it." I say, out loud. I look around, my eye catching the small leather jacket that hangs off my desk chair. "You left your jacket." I continue. I lift the jacket to my nose sniffing, hoping that her scent is on it. I am pleased to find it is, faint, but still there. I moan, adoring the scent of her. I walk over to the bed, climbing in her spot. I just want to be surrounded by Tris' scent. It's been so long, and Tris was here too little for the scent to be definite.

"I miss you so much, Tris. I wish you were here with me." I feel exhausted from lack of sleep. I close my eyes, letting sleep lull me under.

A knock on the door wakes me from a deep sleep. I moan, as I disentangle myself from a mixture of sheets, comforter, and Tris' jacket. For a split second, I forget the past six months has happened. For that moment, I think it's Max at my door, telling me he knows I'm divergent. Or perhaps it's Tris at my door, sneaking out of the dorms because she wanted to see me.

As I turn the knob, I realize the truth. Whoever is at my door, couldn't possibly be the person I want most in this world. I actually start to wonder if its Zeke or Christina, who may have found out the reason behind my "trip." I swing the door open, revealing the person who is standing outside the hall... I am stunned at the person before me, Tris.

* * *

**A/N**

**Stay tuned for the final chapter being released tomorrow. **

**This chapter was brain stormed with FDFobsessed**

**This chapter was beta approved by Dimpls742 **

**Take care and like always Happy reading everyone **

**Trini**


	2. Chapter 2

**Happy reading Everyone! Please be aware the following chapter has sexual content! You have been warned. **

**Christmas wish!**

**Chapter 2**

A knock on the door wakes me from a deep sleep. I moan, as I disentangle myself from a mixture of sheets, comforter, and Tris' jacket. For a split second, I forget the past six months happened. For that moment, I think it's Max at my door, telling me he knows I'm divergent. Or perhaps it's Tris at my door, sneaking from the dorms because she wanted to see me.

As I turn the knob, I realize the truth. Whoever is at my door, couldn't possibly be the person I want most in this world. I actually start to wonder if its Zeke or Christina. Maybe they discovered the reason behind my "trip." I swing the door open, revealing the person who is standing outside the hall... I am stunned at the person before me, Tris.

* * *

I am frozen in place from the shock that I am feeling right now. My eyes seem to be the only part of my body, that are thawed enough to move. I look down and glance at her hands, they are small and delicate, yet strong, just as I remember them. My eyes then run up her arms, they're still thin, but strong. The man in me, can't help but skim over her beautiful breasts, they're small, but absolutely perfect, just as I fondly remember them. Then I see the ravens that sit just below her collarbone, three of them, flying towards her heart, that still beats only for me, I hope. I remember the first time I asked her about them, the night we rode the train together, the night we got all hot and heavy on the floor of the train car, where I paid equal attention to each one, loving the new sensation of my lips on her soft delicate skin. I finally allow my eyes to meet hers, the eyes that I would recognize anywhere or at anytime, the eyes I cried over when I realized I would never see them again. How can this be? How can she be standing here right in front of me, she's dead, I have her ashes.

I don't know how long we have been standing here, but Tris is the first one to thaw, and break our frozen state. She whispers my name, as her right hand lifts up to reach out for me, while taking a step forward. I involuntarily step back, because I don't understand, am I dreaming, was there a mistake? If it was a mistake, then where has she been all this time?

"Tobias." She says gently, while taking another step towards me, her hand reaching out once again to touch my cheek. This time I don't move back, her touch and her voice send thousands of jolts of electricity down to my heart, with each jolt, I feel my heart slowly being pieced back together again. Suddenly I am no longer frozen, how could I be? It's Tris, she is standing right here in front of my eyes. Oh my god, she's really here, and honestly I don't even care if it's a dream anymore, the point is she is here with me at this very moment. My arms move on their own accord, like they always have when it comes to Tris, I instantly wrap them around her waist, pulling her body against mine, as my lips crash into hers. This kiss is filled with missed moments, lost time, hunger and passion, but most of all, it's filled with love, so much love. My foot reaches out to slam the door closed, because how could I even think to remove my hands from her. It would be insanity to me, because as of right now, I'm never letting her go again. A second later I feel myself pushing Tris against the door, she immediately slides her small hands along my back, as our tongues explore each others familiar mouths.

Normally when I would dream of Tris being alive somehow, I would usually wake up before things started to get all hot and bothered. Since I haven't startled awake yet, I begin to believe that this might not be a dream after all... that Tris is really here, in my arms, and kissing me. I can feel her heavy, uneven breathing, proving even more to me that she is alive, and that this is really happening right now. Suddenly the shock of this realization has me slowing down our kiss, until we are pulling away from each other breathless. I need to know what happened, how could this be? I need to know some answers now, like who is in the urn, Tris' urn, right by my bed.

"Tris?" I question, not knowing exactly how to ask. But no matter what, no matter what she tells me, I refuse to let her go, I refuse to stop being so close to her. It's been too long, and for that reason, I don't care why or what reason has kept her away from me for so long, because she's here now. I won't let anyone or anything, keep us apart ever again.

"Tobias, I... I missed you so much." She whispers, I reach up and wipe away the tears that have escaped her eyes. I slowly leaned forward, letting our foreheads rest against each other, as I breathe in her scent deeply, savoring her, and every second of this moment, because no one, I mean no one, has this scent that I simple call... Tris.

"I missed you too, Love, I missed you so much." I can't help but stop my own tears from falling down my cheeks, but why would I? I have dreamed of this day happening a thousand times, and every single time, I always knew it would never come true.

"I'm sorry... I never meant to leave you,``she says. I remember those exact words, they were a message that Caleb passed on from her... her last words to me. God knows how much I wanted to kill Caleb at that moment, the only thing that held me back from doing it, was the love and respect that I felt for his sister.

"I know." I say gently, nodding my head slightly. I have replayed her last few days alive a thousand times in my mind, I know she loved me, and didn't want to leave me. In all honesty, I should have known better, this is Tris we were talking about.

Tris was, I mean is, the bravest, most selfless person I have ever known. She even saved Peter's life back in Amity, by pushing him out of the way from being shot. Even after everything that he did to her during initiation. Even after she knew he was helping the traitors of Dauntless, even after he tried to steal the hard drive with the stimulation war against Abnegation from Tris... she always saw the good in people, she always said "one life lost was one too many."

Tris tried to hate her brother for sometime, especially after he handed her over to Jeanine Mathews. He just sat back while Jeanine tortured Tris, and did all these dangerous experiments on her, and he didn't do one thing at all to help his sister. Even after all that, she still couldn't allow him to commit to his suicide mission. Of course not, after her parents were killed trying to protect her... Caleb was all she had left of her family. I don't know how I didn't see it before. How could I have been so blinded, so unable to see what she was about to do that day? I was so caught up in trying to mend what little relationship I had left with either of my parents, that I couldn't even see what was happening in the girl that I love most in this world's head. I carried that guilt with me for the past six months. I still felt that guilt today when I got out of my bed this morning.

But to Tris' defense, she more than likely thought that there would be 100% chance of her surviving that day, after all she was, she is Divergent. She was able to lie under the truth serum, she knew she was in the simulations when she did her fear landscape, and when she was tested and experimented on... of course she thought she could walk right through the death serum, and not be touched. And she was right, she was untouchable, until David pulled the trigger. He got three shots in her before she collapsed. The Doctors said the three shots she took should have killed her instantly, but she held out long enough to push that all important button, that would release the memory serum onto all of the Bureau. She was strong until her last dying breath, I couldn't even be mad at her for that, after all she saved so many lives that day. Too bad she couldn't save herself. Or did she? In the end she was the person I fell madly in love with. I fell in love with Tris Prior, the girl that wasn't selfless enough for Abnegation, but in the end she became selfless enough to save everyone , and became the bravest of us all.

I suddenly don't care why or how she is here. She's here living and breathing, and that's all that matters to me at this moment, she's here. I close the distance between us, crashing my lips against hers once again. My tongue sweeps her bottom lip, begging her for entrance. She doesn't disappoint, as she opens her lips allowing me to explore her sweet mouth. I can't seem to get close enough to her body, I need her right now, this very second. I have waited six long months to be with her again. Without breaking the close contact I lean down a little more, and wrap my hands around her gorgeous thighs and hoist her up. She instinctively wraps her legs around my waist. She moans, as my hard dick grinds against her pussy. The only barrier between us right now is our clothing, and if I have my way, that won't be a problem much longer.

I manage to push us off the door, and make it across the room without breaking the kiss or dropping her. She happens to weigh the same, as the last time I carried her like this. I sit down on the bed, with her straddle my hips. We both have the same thoughts, as her hands reach for the hem of my shirt, while at the same time I am reaching for hers. It's then we finally break our kiss, long enough to make our shirts go flying across the room. I flip our bodies, laying her in the center of the bed. I kiss, and nibble down her jaw, to the sensitive spot under her ear, and then down to her neck. The moans, her hands, all encouraging me to continue on. I continue to bring my lips down to her neck, until I reach her three beautiful ravens, that I make sure I take the time to caress each one with my tongue.

"Tobias." Tris moans. I swear if I don't get a handle on myself, I will cum even before things can even get started.

Tris and I only shared that one memorable night together back at the Bureau. That one perfect night, neither one of us could get enough of each other. I've always known, that when the time came and Tris would finally give herself to me, we would become instantly addicted to each other. After all, I was already addicted to her touch, her lips, even her scent... it was a no brainier that when the time came, we would spend multiple nights, if not weeks locked up in a room. That's just what we did, for one night, one magical night, we locked ourselves away from the world and just focused on us.

My hand snakes behind her back, unhooking her bra, I can hear Tris' breathing increase with every hook that comes undone. I slide down the straps, as my mouth follows down in pursuit, claiming her right nipple with my tongue. I tease her other nipple, rolling it between my thumb and my forefinger. Tris' firm grip holds me right where I am, so I can't help but have my teeth graze her nipple, as my tongue sweeps over my bite to gently soothe it.

I move from Tris' firm grasp, only to trail soft, wet kisses down to her other breast, after all I can't leave this one feeling neglected, can I? My eyes catch sight of her bullet wound. I recognize it, because I was there. She was shot as we were trying to run from the Dauntless traitors in Abnegation during the slaughter of many innocent people. I raise my head up a little farther, abandoning her other breast, as I place open mouth kisses on her scar. Just as I leaned up on my hands, I see three other faint bullet wounds. I see one scar below her left breast, another on her stomach, and the last scar is right between her beautiful breasts. I try to hide the gasp that threatens to escape, but then I realize that the most important thing is that she is with me now, alive and as gorgeous as ever. I lean back down, as I lead my lips on a very important new mission.

I let my tongue sweep over the scars left from that day, closing my mouth over each one. Once each one has been thoroughly kissed, I head south to the next place I desire most. I quickly undo her button and zipper to her jeans, as she lifts her hips, allowing me to lower her jeans and panties. I don't have it in me right now to slow down, because this need I have for her at this very moment, is more than I have ever felt before. I climb off the bed, undoing my jeans, and letting them and my boxer briefs fall to the floor.

I stand near the edge of the bed for a moment, admiring this goddess before me, and think about how lucky I am to have her back in my life. It's in this very moment, that I know I will never let her go again. I can't stand the distance between us for another second, so I climb back on the bed, hovering over Tris' body, and laying between her parted thighs. I hold myself up with my left hand, as my right hand snakes between us. I watch Tris' face as I slowly insert a finger into her hot, tight, wet entrance. I watch as her lips part, and her breathing became heavy. I rub her clit with the palm of my hand in a circular motion, and to my delight she moans loudly, egging me on. I continue to watch this goddess before me climbing towards her peak, as her hips began to thrust in my hand. She can't help but hold me closer to her, as her nails dig into the flesh of my back. I have to say, it's the best kind of pain in the world. I can feel her walls clenching on my fingers, as her eyes rolls back of her head, and she screams out her orgasm. She may not be touching me right now, but this right here, right now, is the best thing I have ever experienced.

As Tris comes down from her high, I slowly remove my hand only replacing it with the head of my dick. I am so fucking hard right now, bordering on painful. I know I won't last long, not after watching her. I slowly push myself into her tight pussy, the sensation is almost too much to bare. I lay still when I am fully seated inside her, not just for her benefit of her getting adjusted to my size but to let me get a breath myself. I take in a few deep breaths, not wanting this to be rushed. I kiss her sweet lips, trying to distract myself.

I begin to move slowly, almost leaving her body and then thrusting back into her. I want to savor this beautiful moment right now. Tris isn't having that at all, as I feel her thrusts beneath me becoming even harder. We match each other's motions, as she calls out for me to go harder and harder each time. At this rate it won't take me long before my release. I scream her name, as my orgasm hits me, spilling my seed deep inside her.

I don't know how long it has been since we made love, but as soon as we were done Tris and I immediately collapsed and she laid her head on my bare chest, as our arms and legs entangled with each other. Nothing has felt right these past six months without her, but this does.

"Tobias, I... need to tell you something." Tris says, lifting her head to look at me.

"You can tell me anything, Tris." I say.

"I...I should have told you... I'm sorry." She says, as a tear fall from her face. I may not know exactly what is going on, but seeing Tris this way breaks my heart. I turn on my side, holding her against my bare chest. I will never tire of feeling her skin flushed up against mine. When she can speak again, she leans back little to look up at me. "We only have until midnight tomorrow." She whispers, as more tears fall down her cheeks. Tomorrow? What?

"I don't understand." I say. I let her go, needing to sit up, but I still have my eyes on her, not wanting to ever take my eyes off of her again for one single second.

"Your Christmas wish." She whispers. Those three words, it all it takes to remember my wish I placed on the tree earlier today when I arrived. But how could that be? "They thought... after everything we have been through... they owed us this much." She explains. Like it's that simple. Suddenly I am furious. I don't know why, or at who. All I know is I am angry.

"What are talking about?" I nearly spit out.

"Tobias..." She says, as she sits herself up. She reaches out caressing my cheek, I tense under her touch. "Tobias, I died six months ago."

"But your here, I feel you." I touch her shoulder, and her neck in a rush of panic. Can it be I'm going crazy? I lean down kissing her sweet lips. "That was real... I felt that." I say, as I pull away.

"I know it was... I'm sorry, I wish I could stay with you forever." She says, as more tears fall down her cheeks. I suddenly have this weird energy run through me, needing to get up and move. I can't stay here, I need to think. So I stand pulling my pants up over my hips, and then I bend down grabbing my shirt. I can I feel Tris' arms encircling my waist. "Please. Please don't be angry with me." She pleads, but I don't know what to feel right now, all I know is I need to breathe.

"I just... I just need some space. I need to think." I say, disentangling myself from her. Without a single word, or even looking back at Tris, I slip my shoes on, and leave the apartment.

I wander around, not exactly registering exactly where I'm going, all I know is I need to keep moving. How? Why? Haven't we been through enough shit? It's not a surprise that I end up where I do. It's the only place I have ever felt safe, away from all the chaos. I watch the water hit the rocks, as waves after wave crashes against them. I don't know how long I have been sitting here, but suddenly I feel foolish. Haven't I wanted this? Did I ask for more time with her? Now I have it, and what am I doing... sitting here alone, separated from the one person that I want most. The one person with limited time, when that time finally runs out... she will be gone. I quickly stand, as I feel the familiar pull drawing me to her. As I make my way back to my apartment, I come to the realization that this will be our last day together. I need to do this right.

* * *

I arrive back at the apartment, kicking the door open with my foot. My hands are filled with a bunch of different items. I look into my apartment before setting the bags down. I see Tris sitting indian style in the center of the bed, she wears one of my old black Dauntless shirts. I take a deep breath at the sight before me, I always wondered what she would look like only wearing my shirt. I wonder if she is wearing anything else under it. I turn back towards the hallway grabbing more bags, along with a large rectangular box that I was lucky to have found.

"What is all that?" She asks, as she begins to stand from the bed. I feel a ping of disappointment as I watch her get off the bed. I want nothing more than to climb back on top of her and discover once and for all what is underneath that shirt. I shake my head, cleaning it from the sexy fog that threatens to take over me.

"It's everything I thought we would need for the next 24 hours." I answer with a sad smile.

"We'll need?" She asks in total confusion.

"If we only have 24 hours together... then I want to do it right. I want to experience everything with you. Every tradition we ever wanted, every sexual experience that we didn't get a chance to do... everything, Tris." I whisper, leaning in as I cradle her head in my hands, as I lean down further to kiss her tenderly on the lips. "I'm sorry about earlier." I say, with shame in my voice. The look she gives me makes me feel like I didn't just walk out on the girl I love.

"I understand." She nods.

Tris decides to help me with all the bags. We start unpacking them one at a time, revealing what each bag contains. Some of the bags contain food, that I was lucky enough to find in some of the abandoned apartments in the compound. I was also able to snag a few Christmas movies, Christmas decorations... "A Christmas tree?" She says, with the sweetest smile on her face, interrupting my thoughts.

"I never had one, the whole time I lived here." But after seeing Tris today, I realized we never had the chance to decorate a Christmas tree or celebrate Christmas together, for that matter, so here we are. "I never wanted one, until now." I explain to her, matching her beautiful smile.

We spend the next hour or so joking, laughing, stealing a few kisses here and there, and basically being carefree. We're having such a great time, that we temporarily forget about our growing problems, and the limited time we have left together. We are in our own little world right now, trying to figure out how to put an artificial Christmas tree together with no directions, and then decorating it with all the trimmings, once we finally get it together. I love this time we are having together more than anything, it is something we never got to experience during the war.

We ended up heating up a large a can of chicken noodle soup. I didn't want to leave Tris and go to the dining hall for dinner. No one can know that Tris is here, it would be too difficult to explain to them once she wasn't here anymore. I also don't want to be apart from her for another minute, I already wasted so much time during my meltdown earlier. I don't even want to think about how I will feel, or the pain and devastation I will go through when she is no longer here with me. I just want to live in this moment, and be happy with her for as long as I possibly can.

Tris picks out one of the many Christmas movies I found, while I finish dinner. We curl under a large warm and cozy grey blanket, watching "How the Grinch stole Christmas," while drinking chicken noodle soup out of our coffee mugs. When the movie is over, neither one of us wants to move from each others arms, so we remain snuggling on the couch watching the magical dancing lights on the Christmas tree.

"This is perfect," Tris whispers. I couldn't agree more with her, so I decided to make it even more perfect by leaning down and kissing her delicious lips. I keep all my thoughts on Tris, and try not to think about tomorrow, and what will happen when it arrives. We make love two more times during the night, and unlike earlier, these two times are much slower, because we take out time to savor each other, and cherish every moment we have together.

My eyes slowly open, as anger instantly washes overcomes me. That's not what I wanted, I didn't want to waste any of the little time that we had left sleeping. Yet the four hours that I did get were the most peaceful sleep I have had since our last night at the Bureau. I sit up looking around, as panic and desperation starts to take over me. Where did she go? She wouldn't just leave me again, without kissing me goodbye first, would she? I look out on the balcony, and sighed in relief. I find her standing against the railing, once again wearing the same shirt... my shirt, that she wore last night. I bend over grabbing my jeans, and pull them up over my hips. I stand behind her, placing each one of my hands on either side of her on the railing enveloping her.

"Hey, why didn't you wake me?" I ask, leaning in and kissing her neck, while breathing in her incredible scent. What I would give for every morning to start exactly like this one, wishful thinking, I know.

"You looked so peaceful, I didn't have the heart to wake you." She says gently, as she reaches behind her, playing with my hair.

"I didn't want to waste a single second, while you are here with me." I groan.

"Tobias, you haven't slept this peaceful, since we were last at the Bureau." She admits. This confession takes me by surprise. She turns slowly in my arms looking up at my gaze. "Tobias, I've been watching and listening to you. I haven't missed a single minute, or one word that you have spoken to me, since I left you." She says. I am shocked by her words, but something about knowing that all this time, she has been watching, and being there for me, when I needed her to be, puts me at such peace, and comforts me, more than I would have ever expected it too.

"I love you so much, Tris. How am I supposed to do all of this without you?" Suddenly there it is... the one thing we both have been trying to avoid talking about.

"I love you too." She says gently. She cradles my head between her hands pulling my lips down to hers. I can tell she's trying to distract me, by savoring this moment, but my mind has opened up a can of worms that can't be closed, now that it has been opened. All I can think about is what's going to happen ten hours from now, but I don't want to go there, I can't think about that heartache at the moment. So I don't, instead I choose to get lost in her... to be lost in her, now. My arms wrap around her waist and I hoist her up, as her arms are tightly wrapped around my neck. I carry her back inside the apartment. I sit her on top of the kitchen counter top, and take the hem of her shirt, and pull it over her head. To my great surprise and pleasure, I discover that she is indeed naked under my shirt. I push her back gently, laying her down on the counter top. I begin to lavish her gorgeous breasts, her flat-toned stomach, and then make my way down to devour her already wet pussy. She rewards me with a loud moan, as she tangles her fingers in my hair. I slip in two fingers working them in and out of her entrance, as my tongue teases her clit. I get lost in the smell, the taste, and the sensations of her. Tris' walls tightening around my fingers, bring me back to the present, as I speed up and bring her to a swift climax. She screams my name louder than ever before, which is music to my ears.

We spend the next several hours lost in each other's arms, giving pleasure like never before, and sharing our laughter and our love with each other, not wanting to take notice that our time is running out sooner than we both want.

"Tobias, it's almost time." Tris whispers in my ear. I feel cold shivers run down my spine with each of her words. No, this can't be it, I need more time... we need more time. So much I wanted to give her so much in this life, just as I wanted to receive, so much from her. I watch Tris sit up slowly, peeling herself away from me. I watch her, as she dresses into the same clothes she arrived yesterday, only now I realize she's in the same clothes she wore that last day I saw her at the Bureau... black jeans, and a white tank top. I swear my heart can't sink any further than it already is, I can feel it threatening to break apart at any minute, never to be whole again.

"Tris," I meant for it to come out strongly, but instead my voice cracks when her name leaves my lips. I can't do this, she can't leave me again.

"Tobias," Tris says, as she refuses to turn around to look at me. "I never wanted... I still don't want to leave you." She continues to say, as I take another step closer to her, not wanting any space between us right now. "I need you to do something for me." I can see her lift her hand to wipe away her tears as she speaks. "I need you to let me go, to live each day as if it were your last. You're a good man, Tobias, you deserve to have everything in this life." My arms move on their own accord, wrapping themselves around her, holding her close to me. Maybe if I hold her close enough and tight enough, she won't leave me again.

"I can't Tris, I can't do this life without you." I confess. She slowly turns in my arms, lifting her head to get a better look at me.

"Listen to me, please..."She waits for me to finally look at her. "I'll always be watching you, and listening to you, but mostly, I'll always be waiting for you. But right now, you are needed here to live, and to help those in this world that are struggling, and you are needed to right the wrongs of our old society. This isn't a goodbye Tobias, not for us, this is a... see you later, and I love you." She smiles as she repeats the last words that we spoke to each other the last time we parted ways.

"I love you so much Beatrice Prior," I say, leaning in letting our foreheads rest against each other's one last time.

"I love you too, Tobias Eaton. Merry Christmas, my love." She slowly disentangles herself from me, I can feel the heaviness in my arms, giving me no other choice but to let her go. "See you later, and I love you." She backs up, moving towards the front door, then she slowly opens it, while never breaking eye contact with me. I stand frozen in my place, unable to reach for her, unable to stop her. I watch the love of my life step out into the hallway, while closing the door softly behind her. It's then that I realize playing in the background is a beautiful Christmas melody, playing just for us.

I finally unfreeze, opening the door to look down the hall for Tris. Maybe I can stop her, maybe there is a way... but she's gone. I am alone.

"I love you. Merry Christmas, Tris. I'll see you soon."

* * *

**A/N**

**From my family to yours, Merry Christmas everyone! Thank you all for reading, and supporting all my work. **

**Please stay tuned for a special one shot A rented family New years Chapter. **

**This chapter was brain stormed with FDFobsessed**

**This chapter was beta approved by Dimpls742**

**Please note that due to taking a break to celebrate the holiday with my family as well as an injury I have had... tomorrow's chapter for To love again may be a day late.**

**Take care and like always Happy reading everyone**

**Trini**


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